I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
