The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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