I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
