you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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