You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
