if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
