you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
