she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize