If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
