I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
