He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
