weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
