WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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