She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
