We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
