just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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