Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
