make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
