I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
