Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
