FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
