party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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