OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
