Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
