I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize