ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
