woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
