Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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