Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize