I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
