Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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