next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
