if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
