Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
