ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im part way to drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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