I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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