when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
