She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
