Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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