Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize