I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
