Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
