Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
