Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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