Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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