matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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