Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
