Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
