I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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