Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
