Pappa wants mamma naked
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
