Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize