my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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