Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize