u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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