I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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