"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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