So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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