I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
