I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
