Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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