ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
