she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
