And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
