Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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