I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
