Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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