I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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