1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
