i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
