I can tuck mytits in my pants
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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